Confidence can be difficult to come by for many people, and for busy Mums this can be even harder. When you’re putting others first and don’t have much time for yourself, it can be hard to maintain that confidence. New Mums can struggle most, as they’re also worried about their parenting skills. However, a confident Mum can teach her children to feel confident in themselves, and raise happier, more well-rounded kids.
Here’s how Mums can feel more confident.
Do Something For You
All Mums can sometimes be guilty of putting their own wants and needs behind those of their families. Remember that there is no reason to feel guilty in doing something that is just for you, whatever that looks like. Whether you want to have a girly weekend away with no kids and just your friends or want to spend some money on a beauty treatment like Crest Whitestrips UK, you can do so, and not need to feel bad about it all.
Doing something for you can be good for your confidence and models good behaviour for your children who will be able to see that it’s important to care for yourself, not just everyone around you.
Find A Supportive Group
A support network is important to have, whether that’s friends, family, or other local Mums. Look around for local groups for Mums, especially if you’re a new parent, or join Mums’ groups online. It can be enormously helpful to have people you can talk to frankly about parenting troubles and worries, without worrying that you’re being judged for being a bad mother.
By having people to talk to, you won’t feel isolated or worried that you’re wrong to struggle sometimes, which will make you feel much more confident.
Go Out And Explore A Little More
If you head out and see more things in life, then you’ll feel a lot better about the world around you. This is relevant to a lot of people on this planet. When we do the same things over and over again, we become used to the exclusive, enclosed life we see.
One piece of advice would be to get a car (if you haven’t already) and find places to visit. If you are currently physically challenged or handicapped in any way, then a Motability Car Scheme would be a good idea as you search for the right vehicle. It sounds basic, but it can make a big difference to your confidence and self-esteem.
Routines that are for you and your care can lift confidence too. For example, build a skincare routine. Taking a few minutes morning and evening to do something positive for yourself will make you feel like someone other than Mum. Treat yourself to nice products or treatments like micro-needling to remind yourself that you’re worth a bit of pampering. The results of the routine will make you look better too, lifting your confidence that way as well.
An exercise routine can help in the same. A morning run, an evening yoga class, or a swim at the weekend can all give you time to yourself, and deliver positive results to the way that you look and feel.
Having healthy routines in place also shows your kids how to do the same, which will help them as they grow up.
Master The Five Minute Face
For some women, hair and makeup make a big difference to the way they feel. While of course putting on a full face of makeup is optional, if it makes you feel better and more like yourself, then it’s important to find time to do it. Learn to do a very quick five-minute face, so even on the most chaotic mornings when you’re trying to get everyone ready for the day, you’ll have time to get a little makeup on and look like yourself.
Quick hairstyling is useful to know too, whether you master the messy ponytail, or treat yourself to a good quality brush that will make even your busiest mornings feel a bit more like time for you.
Embrace Your Style
Forget what you think a Mum should look like and the way you think a Mum should dress. While it’s a good idea to find a style that is practical and comfortable, you don’t have to feel boring, frumpy, or sloppy, just because you’re a mother.
A wardrobe of basics is a good idea so you can throw together an outfit quickly and still look and feel put together. Dress for your day, with clothes that will allow you to move easily if you’ll be on the floor with a toddler, and are made with easy-to-clean fabrics if you have messy activities planned.
How did you dress before you had children? If you’d still like to dress that way, think about how you could combine your old look with the practicality required of your Mum wardrobe. Could you bring in some of the colours, shapes, patterns, or fabrics that you used to favour? Can you add interest to simple looks with accessories or makeup?
Don’t Be Too Hard On Yourself
One of the most difficult parts of being a mother is worrying about whether you’re getting it right. It’s important not to be too hard on yourself. Remember that you will make mistakes in your parenting sometimes, as all parents have always done and always will. It’s okay to make mistakes. The key is to learn from them afterwards.
Don’t expect to be a perfect parent at all times. There will be days when you’re too tired, too frustrated, or just don’t know how to handle a situation. Give yourself a break, and remember that you’re doing your best, and that is what really matters.
Be Choosy About The Advice You Take
People always want to give mothers advice, whether it’s telling them some old family solution for teething pains, or some technique they’ve read about for handling a troubled teenager. You’re probably being bombarded with advice you haven’t asked for from all sides, which can be exhausting and stressful.
Learn to tune out the advice you don’t want or need. Work out who has advice that is actually helpful to you. For example, listen to the advice your children’s doctor gives you. You might always get helpful input from your children’s teachers, or your own mother. Other advice can be ignored. There is no one way to raise children, and as long as your way works for you and your family, you can feel confident in it.
Many mothers get caught up in competitive parenting, and if you appear to be losing the competition, it can really shake your confidence. Try not to get trapped in this competition. It doesn’t matter which child crawls first, has the most advanced reading age, or won a race on Sport’s Day. It doesn’t matter if that other Mum at the school gates appears to be raising perfect children while also succeeding in a high-powered career, while you sometimes feel like you can’t manage either.
Remember that you never know what really happens in other people’s families, and people may be struggling for more than you realise. As long as your child is happy and healthy, everything else is a bonus. They might not be good at sport, but they will have skills in other areas. They might be the last to take their first steps, but they will get there.
Leave the competition behind, and you’ll feel far more confident in your own skills as a mother.
Remind Yourself Of Your Achievements Before Returning To Work
If you’ve been out of work for a while in order to focus on raising your children, it can be tough when the time comes to go back to work. You might worry that you’ve lost all your skills and knowledge and don’t know how to do a job other than Mum. If your confidence is shaky, remind yourself of all your achievements in the workplace before you took time off. Maybe you locked down a really key account for your company. Maybe you boosted profits or won employee of the month several times. You are still the same person who did those things, and you can do them again.
If you’re really worried about going back to work after time off, it can help to invest in some training to get you back up to speed and to remind you of what you’re good at.
Give Up Negative Self-Talk
Many of us are guilty of talking to ourselves in a way that we would never dream of talking to others. Start to notice the way that you talk to yourself. Do you call yourself lazy, stupid, or a bad parent? Stop immediately. Instead, talk to yourself the way you would your best friend. You can recognise your flaws, but compliment the hard work you’re doing and all your good qualities.
This is especially important if you’re voicing those thoughts out loud. Children learn from the behaviour they see their parents modelling, so if they often hear you berate yourself for being too fat, not good enough, or not clever enough, they’ll learn to talk to themselves that way. Instead, if they hear you say that you did your best, and valuing qualities like kindness and perseverance, so will they.
Talk to yourself the way you hope your children will talk to themselves as they grow up. Show yourself kindness, patience, and forgiveness.
Feeling confident can be tough as a Mum, and there will always be days that are harder than others. By changing your habits, you can cope better with the bad days and give your family more good days.
Just remember, you’ve got this!