Being able to support your parents as they age is something that needs to be handled with the utmost care and respect. Your parents losing their independence or not being able to manage like they once did can be a hard situation for them to deal with, and if not approached carefully, it can really impact your relationship.
However, not broaching the subject of them getting older and needing a little bit more support can be detrimental in other ways. No matter how tricky it feels to talk to them about making changes to their lives to accommodate changes in health or abilities, it needs to be done. But before you jump in with both feet, these tips help the conversation go much smoother.
Identify Main Issues
Before you talk about what you think needs to happen or how things need to change, you need to ascertain any shortcomings and issues yourself. Know what is causing the problems and what your options are to help. They could be struggling with keeping up with housework and chores, so talking to them about hiring a home help service can be a great option. Or they might struggle to get up and down the stairs, so installing a stairlift can give them back their independence and make their lives much easier. It could also be harder to discuss topics such as moving to a nursing home or senior living community or becoming their power of attorney. Know the problem and the resolution options before broaching the topic to make things go much better.
Involve Them, Don’t Talk At Them
Remember, your parents are still adults, albeit ones who need a bit more assistance. It’s crucial to involve them in the decision-making process, respecting their autonomy and ensuring their needs are met. Avoid the temptation to talk over them or for them. The conversation about their future and what’s best for everyone should include their input. Excluding them from the discussion can be demeaning and may not lead to the outcomes you’re hoping for. Their involvement is not just important; it’s essential.
Listen
Once again, when you talk to your parents about your concerns, listening to them and considering their feelings and options is crucial. It might be that you need to compromise on the next steps to get the right support, or you might need to change plans completely based on what they say. But your parents must be a part of what happens next and have their say. Listening to them shows respect and helps in understanding their perspective, making the process more effective and less stressful for everyone.
Stay Calm
It’s important to remain calm so you can get to where you need to be and have the conversation be one that is fruitful, not another roadblock on moving forward and getting the right support. Avoid getting angry and making demands; avoid upsetting your parents to the point they don’t want to continue talking about things. Always keep in mind when you’re doing this. Because they need help, and if they feel attacked, then they likely won’t be receptive to any ideas or changes. Not only will nothing change for the better, but it might even make things worse. Being calm when bringing up the topic is not just a suggestion; it’s a necessity. It’s a way to reassure your parents that the conversation is about helping them, not about creating more stress.
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