The Blogger you don’t see

Sat behind the screen of the virtual world is a blogger, a real person writing about their lives.
Perhaps you have been reading their blog for a while or maybe it’s your first visit, either way, how well do you know the person behind the post? It’s difficult to truly know know what a person is like, you only see what they want you to see. They can appear to others to have everything together, have the perfect life, they can be the person you admire.

In my case, I can come across as being confident, I laugh, I joke and I share my opinions.This is my own little space on the big ol’web where I don’t have to worry about anything. In reality, I’m actually quite the opposite. I suffer from a truly annoying social anxiety disorder and since having Little Legs it’s worsened. Perhaps that’s because my time interacting in the real world with adults is now limited to the school runs, visiting family and friends or simply waiting for the Mr to return home. Panic attacks feature regularly, trying to start or maintain conversations with others is cripplingly awkward. Rest assured, it’s not because I don’t want to be social, I would love nothing more than to have a natural flow of conversation with strangers and people I haven’t met but in reality the thought is terrifying.

I avoid events, meetings and even leaving the house if I have to. I won’t even attend classes at the gym so I can avoid being in the situation where I would have to be in a conversation with someone. I’ve been told I can come across as shy, sometimes rude and pretentious but for me it’s not like that, it’s more than simply being shy or not wanting to interact with someone.

I’ve made attempts to lessen the anxiety, I started going to the gym, I walk the dog, I have this here blog but alas I still dread every day activities. I try to ignore what’s going on around me, I’ll pop my headphones in and ignore the world around me.  I’ve tried to laugh it off as not being a people person but that simply is not that case.

I adore being a blogger and the voice that it offers me but attending events, conferences and meet ups as a blogger are something that put the fear of dread in me