How to Cope with Domestic Violence and Plan for Divorce

Domestic violence is one of society’s greatest cancers. It represents the worst instincts of its people, and can be a form of inescapable prison for all but the most prepared of its victims. According to domestic violence charity Refuge, a quarter of all women in England and Wales will experience domestic violence at least once in their life; further, the police receive a domestic abuse-related call once every 30 seconds on average.

If you’re a victim of spousal domestic abuse, you may be concerned about which next steps you ought to be taking. If you suspect yourself to be a victim of spousal domestic abuse, you might be wondering if your experiences match up with key signs of abuse. Either way, the following guide is here to help you through to the next chapter.

1. Recognising the Signs of Domestic Abuse

Domestic abuse spans a wide spectrum of passive and aggressive tactics, far beyond the simple stereotype of alcohol misuse and physical violence. Domestic abuse can take many forms, from physical violence and threats thereof to emotional abuse, financial abuse and coercive control.

If your spouse has a history of belittling you, has a habit of confusing you or convincing you that you misremember things, or otherwise has executive control over parts of your life that should be yours to lead – including your finances or when and where you go – you are in an abusive relationship.

2. Seeking Immediate Help and Support

Relationships founded on domestic abuse are difficult to leave – which is where there is a huge network of charities and resources to help you when you decide to take action. Aforementioned charity Refuge is one good place to start, as is the National Domestic Violence Helpline. After discussing your situation with a charity, you may be in a position to notify authorities, even with a view to getting immediate legal protection in the form of a Domestic Violence Protection Order (DVPO).

3. Understanding Legal Options in Divorce

Speaking of legal protection, leaving an abusive home will naturally result in some form of civil or criminal legal engagement – though this section is more concerned with the civil angle, namely divorce and resulting impacts for family or your assets. Family law solicitors are an absolute necessity for this stage, and can help you through what will be an undeniably difficult ordeal to face.

Divorce proceedings are difficult enough without the spectre of a domestic abuser hanging over them. UK courts have historically struggled with this dynamic, and have only recently started to listen more carefully to advocates and activists on this sensitive aspect of family law.

4. Financial Planning and Economic Independence

Leaving an abusive relationship is difficult logistically as well as emotionally, particularly if your abuser is hoarding the household’s money and controlling your access to cash. Keeping small, secret amounts of cash to one side alongside your documents is one strong way to start, albeit risky; the challenge only continues after separation, when economic independence meets with starting essentially from scratch. Again, women’s aid organisations are your best bet for guidance.