Mother’s day is a day that has not been celebrated by me for years, it’s a bittersweet day. A day that marks another year without my best friend, my mum. In all fairness we were never really that mother and daughter duo that made a big deal out of it, no extravagant gifts or meals out, we always took it as a way for us to spend time together. A time where we both put the effort in to be with each other no matter what the circumstances. That may sound odd to you, of course I spent a lot of time with my mum, we lived together but for those that do not know, my mum was rather ill and had been all of her life. I spent a lot of time visiting her in hospital as a child and at that point I never knew just how poorly she was but the older I became the more I understood. It wasn’t something that would go away over night. In my younger teen years there were times when I couldn’t make the two hour visiting times each day to visit her due to exams and studies but we both understood, those exams and their results would be the start of my life ahead, they would dictate what direction in life I would go in.
I remember being 16 years old and my mum was allowed home from hospital for a few days just after my final exams, I could see she was poorly but she was determined to spend some time with me, even if it was only for a few hours each day. Those were the last days that we spent at home together. This is why mothers day did not play a huge importance to us, we were grateful for any day we could spend together. My mum never came home from hospital after that, her death followed two months after. From then on Mothers day just became about the memories and what I no longer had.
Over the years it became easier and rather than feeling like I had lost something, I began to appreciate and remember the times that we had together, don’t get me wrong it still hurts but now I am ever so grateful for the times that we got to spend together.
Now Mother’s day has a whole other meaning for me, I have my little girl, I’m not bothered about the fancy gifts or who has the biggest card. I’m a mum all year round, and just like my mum I’m happy to spend time with my daughter.